FAQ’s

Questions will be added on a regular basis, so submit yours now! Ask me any question at all about swinging, erotica, sexuality, you name it!!! You’ll begin to see the questions and responses here shortly! NOTE: Names can be changed to protect the innocent, or the guilty, just let me know! – Hugs, Honey
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Swinging Basics

  • What is the most important attitude that is necessary for a swinging relationship?
    Open, honest communication between the couple is absolutely vital for any relationship, but especially a swinging one. If you can talk to your partner about everything, even the things that they don’t like to hear and both of you can be honest about it, you will be able to be strong enough to withstand the troubled times. Swinging won’t fix a bad relationship, but it can enhance a strengthen a really good one.

The “Lifestyle” and Your Children

  • This is Lisa from New Orleans. I was just looking at your page and I had a question. Please don’t take this the wrong way. How did you explain the lifestyle to your own son? – Lisa
    • Hi Lisa – nice to talk to you again…and in my case it was a son, not a daughter. To be honest, he (and his older stepbrother) had known about our lifestyle for several years before they brought it up to us. (My son is grown and out on his own now).  Being honest allowed us to be open about sexuality and let him ask questions and be more aware of things than most kids his age. Children are very aware and in fact will probably know about the lifestyle of their parents (whatever that is) LONG before the parents are ready to tell them. In fact, the older boy told us about our lifestyle when he was 13……As for us, some of the telltale signs they pointed out were as follows:
      • we were different from the friends’ parents as we went out on the weekends VERY DRESSED UP;
      • when we spoke about our friends it would always be JOHN&MARSHA or BILL&CINDY as though they were one person instead of a couple;
      • we acted like we actually loved one another;
      • and when they came home from overnights, the house would smell like sex! (i.e. the smell of baking bread!!! – a direct quote)

Meeting New People

  • How can you tell if someone you meet is drug and disease free?
    • Unfortunately, it is impossible to tell about someone by just looking at them and even asking questions doesn’t always bring honest answers. There are no 100% guarantees about this (or really anything else in life). We have found that by taking time after we meet someone and getting to know them we can have a pretty good idea of what kind of people they are and if they are “all that they ought to be” or not. A person can hide things about themselves, but generally not over a longer period of time. Also, it is important under any and all circumstances for you and your partner to use whatever level of protection you feel is necessary. If someone you meet isn’t willing to use that protection – or even to discuss using it, they probably aren’t someone you want to have anything to do with.
  • We are friends with quite a few couples at the clubs we go to and there is another couple that we would like to get to know. However, one of our friends has told us some very negative things about the other couple. Should we forget the new couple or go ahead and try to get to know them ourselves?
    • Unless you are fairly certain that the comments are totally accurate, it might be a good thing not to take someone else’s word for it. Talk to the couple you’re interested in and then form your own opinion. Not everyone likes everyone else and we have some friends that we like that don’t get along with one another. We try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. While we certainly appreciate knowing what other couples are like ahead of time (the grapevine can be a tremendous asset for knowledge, because it is usually very factual), other people often see things differently. If you get to know the couple (using a little bit of extra caution, of course), you might find that they are very enjoyable. If not, you’ve taken the time and proved things for yourself. It’s usually a good idea not to let someone else select your friends for you.
  • What do I do when we meet a couple and my husband is very interested in the woman and I am not at all attracted to the man?
    • That’s tough and every swinging couple has the problem from time to time. Swinging needs to be a mutually agreeable sharing and if it’s not, someone gets hurt. Hopefully you and your husband have discussed this situation previously. If not, do it now. Everyone gets their “balls in an uproar” from time to time and fails to be objective about the couple in question. Men do it more often, but women do it too occasionally. So you have to be able to be totally honest, even “knocking some sense” (and I don’t really mean that physically) into your partner if necessary to resolve this. Also, perhaps if you spend more time with the man in question, perhaps your feelings might change (they might not, but at least give him/her a chance). Lastly, if there’s just no way at all – tell your husband to (in the words of a terrific lady and a swing leader) “Pray for a Party!”

Open Relationships

  • Do you ever have parties in Florida, or are you limited to the Texas area? We really just started delving into this topic TODAY and are really lost into where to look. Thanks for any help.
    • Hi J – I travel all over the US and there are plenty of groups all over the US – including Florida – you just have to find the right ones. Tell me where in Florida you’re located and I’ll try to get you in touch.
  • Honey’s Special Comments: Well – As we all know, in swinging, as in all other areas of life, things are not always what they seem, and so to continue this correspondence as follows.. ..
  • It’s me again. Actually, the situation I described was not totally accurate. My wife HAS a friend she wants to “play with”. I just need to find a woman who wouldn’t mind a friendship and sexual relationship with no strings attached who gets to play “my girlfriend” on nights that my wife and I decide to take a “day off” from our marriage. I hope you understand what I mean. Anyone from 20-40 is fine! I’m very open minded, sweet and funny. SAFE SEX is the most important thing.
    • Hi J again – I honestly can’t figure out how you plan to take a “day off” from a marriage. To me it’s a much more important relationship than that. I’ve got to tell you that I think what you’re looking for is an “open relationship” and not swinging….swinging is when you “do it together” and is mostly for committed couples who enjoy finding similar couples (and a few special singles) for recreational sex..To be honest, I can’t advise you on how to have an open relationship, because that’s not what we do, or why we do it and in several cases I’ve seen it doesn’t work out……I hope you and your new wife (of only six weeks) will rethink your plans…. if not, there may be other sites that would be better suited to your inquiry.

Problems

  • We have friends we like very much and are just getting to know. We’ve been swinging about a year and they’ve been swinging about that long too. They visited us last night for a “social” evening. Everything seemed to be going fine and it progressed to partying later. We were all having a good time on the bed and then “Susie” suddenly got up and went to the restroom. When she returned, she was fully dressed and she looked at her husband and said, “I’m going home, are you coming with me?” They left and we’ve tried to call to set things right, but they won’t talk about it. What did we do wrong?
    • Without knowing anything more about the other couple or the situation, I can’t be totally certain. However I think that probably you didn’t do anything wrong. It could be any number of things, from not feeling good, to their having a personal problem between them, to her being insecure or jealous. Swinging can play games with your head sometimes if you don’t have a strong secure relationship.
    • Don’t be overly concerned about the situation. Do what you can to try to maintain the friendship, but not everyone is right for this lifestyle and sometimes people have different reactions to situations. Try to be their friends and hopefully they’ll be okay and your friendship can get back to normal.
    • As long as you are open and honest with the people you are dealing with is the first rule. Making sure that everyone involved understands what’s going to happen and agrees to it is the second. Other than that, you can’t take responsibility for what goes on in someone else’s head.

Single Swingers

  • Dear Honey. I’m a 33 year old male who lives in the Phoenix area. DDF (Drug/Disease Free), non-smoker, 5’11”, 195 lbs. and muscular, 8″ and thick. I have an outgoing personality, but I’m laid back. I only drink socially. My point is, that as a single male who is interested in the lifestyle, where can I meet women and couples that are interested in a swing partner who is straight? If you know of someone, please give them my Email address or any suggestions would help. Eric
    • Dear Eric – Being a single male in the swinging lifestyle is one of the hardest ways to go about it. The numbers of single males who WANT to swing is staggering, especially as opposed to the number of couples and single females. Most clubs and party hosts like to keep the numbers of males and females about even (one or two either way doesn’t really matter, but when the numbers get out of proportion, it makes people uncomfortable). Also, swinging is mainly a couples activity in which everyone gets to share equally. If there are too many males, or two many females, it unbalances the equation. However, I’ve also heard it said that in many groups they like a few extra males in order to satisfy the ladies of the group. As far as meeting women and couples interested in the lifestyle, in most cases you will have to introduce the women you meet to the lifestyle and couples can be found everywhere…the net is currently the new venue to get to know people, so GOOD LUCK ERIC and I’ll let everyone know you’re available!

THREESOMES

  • Why can’t we find a single girl for a threesome? There are tons of single men, but we can’t seem to find a single girl who is interested.
    • That is a very perplexing problem for most swinging couples. For a couple, a threesome with a sexy single lady is probably one of the most sensual experiences that is imaginable (and swingers LOVE to imagine it). Unfortunately, in most cases they are few and far between. The world has change in the last few years with more and more couples and singles getting into the lifestyle, but it still hard to find the right lady for many couples.
    • Single women are a very high-strung and unstable breed (nothing at all against you beautiful ladies). Most are just beginning to mature into adulthood (no matter how old they are chronologically). Being single, they don’t really have anything solid to cling to, so they flit about (between boyfriends, movies, jobs, singles bars, shopping and each other), trying to fill the void in their lives so that they don’t feel so empty. Several years ago, I was a “single girl” and several single men I knew tried to “set me up for a threesome” and that is exactly how I felt “set up”. I wanted no part of it at all! It might have been different if it had been a swinging couple, but I just don’t know. I know several women, some still single and some part of a swinging couple, who have enjoyed threesomes with a couple – but they admit that it was presented carefully to them. Those experiences were part of what led them to continue swinging as a single or to find a partner to share the lifestyle with them.
    • We think so highly of the lifestyle and how special it makes us feel that we sometimes forget that single girls don’t have the solid “base” that our partner gives us and so they are often very insecure.
    • When looking for a single girl, it will take a lot of time and effort –don’t be overanxious, take it slow and easy. Try to instill a feeling of comfort and friendship with the lady and take her wants and needs into consideration. Nine times out of ten, it probably won’t work and the lady will ‘flit’ off into the atmosphere, but the tenth time, it does work and you as a couple will have a very special experience to share, enjoy and remember. 
  • There’s a really cute guy who is a friend of ours, tall, single, good looking and very nice. How do my husband and I get him for a threesome with me? My husband’s straight, but he want to let me enjoy myself.
    • A friend and her husband who are relatively new to swinging asked me this the other night. I first asked if she had talked to her man about it. They had and he was positive about allowing her to have the experience. I suggested that they invite the single man over for dinner and slowly bring various subjects into the discussion – i.e., fantasies, sexuality, the lifestyle, etc.. After they are sure he is comfortable discussing these subjects with both of them (as they should be with him), they should talk about how much they love each other. Then bring up the fact that their love sometimes includes a “little strange” (enjoying other friends sexually), which can be fun and exciting. If he doesn’t run at that point, and being a man he probably won’t, explain that they are swingers and are interested in having a threesome with him to fulfill the ladies fantasy. Be certain that the single man understands that the husband is not interested in him (if this is indeed the case) except as a partner for his wife in an erotic experience (many single guys worry about this aspect). What fun – also, this plan can also be used when working toward a threesome with a single female.