Swinging Etiquette

In the world of swinging, what to do, when to do it and how to do it is very difficult to understand because there aren’t any rule books to help you along. Beginners have trouble because it’s all so new to them, but even experienced swingers have problems from time to time over how to handle certain situations. We’ve run across many of these situations, so we’ll try to help you along.


We are often asked by those curious about the lifestyle about the difference between open swinging and closed swinging. In swinging, you have many different options and this is an important one. You can choose either or both, whatever works best for you. Only you as a couple can decide what is best for you. Here’s a brief idea of what is involved:


Swinging (having sex) in the same room (possibly in the same bed) with your primary partner and another couple. The male will be with the female of the other couple and the female will be with the male of the other couple. There may or may not be any sexual contact between the females (depending on their choice of bisexuality). This is the choice of couples who prefer to be together at all times. In Open situations, there can be no question of what is said or done, because everything is done together for all the parties concerned. This is also the choice of voyeurs/exhibitionists who enjoy watching their mate while experiencing sexual enjoyment themselves. This situation can quite possibly lead to some variations of group sex and techniques that are not available with one on one.


This involves participating in swinging (again having sex) in a separate room from your primary partner. The male will be with the female of the other couple in one room and the female with the other male in a different room or at a different time (but still together – not swinging “separately). This allows the freedom (or the privacy) to ‘discover’ the person in a deeper way without the distractions of another couple in the same room. Closed swinging also allows the freedom to act out various fantasies without feeling you are being watched.


Soft swinging involves teasing and foreplay with another couple prior to returning to your own partner for actual intercourse. Soft swingers prefer to keep actual intercourse between themselves and their primary partner, rather than sharing it with other people.


I’d like to mention one more thing. An open relationship is when a committed couple decides to date separately. Each person can choose to date one or more persons outside of their relationship. Their life partner might or might not ever  be involved or in fact even know the ‘date’. Some couple seem to like this, however to me this is way to close to cheating and can be abused by getting emotionally attached to the date, which in my mind can harm the relationship. My personal opinion is that it is dangerous, I have seen couple break up after this type of behavior and in fact ruin their primary relationship.


Neither style is right or wrong, it is just a matter of whatever is preferable to each couple. A complication can arise when couples are attracted to each other and one couple prefers open, one couple prefers closed and one is a soft swing couple. In this case, either the couples must compromise or decide to seek other more compatible partners.

Each couple has the right to choose the style of swinging that is right for them. Some want open and will only swing together and some will only swing closed and soft swingers generally don’t allow anything else. However most swingers are willing to compromise and work around another couple’s choices. If what you and the other couple want coincides, that’s terrific! If not and a compromise can’t be reached, keep looking for a match. We would suggest that you never make an iron clad rule about not doing one or the other and that you at least give it a try before discounting something you’ve never tried before – it might have some superb benefits!

Have a great day – Hugs..Honey