For Singles (especially Males)

Almost every day, I get emails from single men who tell me how wonderful they are and how much they want to get into swinging. Things like:

#1 – Dear Honey, I am a recently divorced 47 year old Italian Male in very good shape. My ex-wife and I used to enjoy nude sunbathing and I think if the opportunity presented itself, we would have done some swinging. I am now single and very much interested in attending some sort of swing club or party. However, like you, do not want to get attached to someone at this time. I am aware that you still participate in the swinging scene. If I may be so bold, may I ask you to invite me soon as your guest. You would not be disappointed in me physically, or in any other way. If you respond, I would be happy to give you my webpage for you to see that I have a serious career. I need to do something special for myself after the rigors of a divorce, and this would be a nice gift to give myself. If you can not help me yourself, perhaps you know of a serious single woman who would like a “date” to some swingers function. I am anxious for your reply. Thank you.

#2 – I’m very interested in the swinging lifestyle, but none of my girlfriends would ever be interested in something like this. How can I get into swinging so that I can enjoy the kind of fun that you do!

#3 – My wife would never be interested in swinging, but I am interested and would still like to participate. I’m hoping to find some friends and some fun. Do you have any suggestions?

And it goes on and on and on!!!!

My typical answers to those men are as follows:
To be very honest, it is very difficult for a single male to get into the lifestyle without one of the following:

#1 – A willing female partner
#2 – A swinging couple willing to ‘sponsor you’ it is not impossible, but VERY DIFFICULT.

You must understand that if you are attempting to meet couples for ‘fun and friendship’ either over the internet or at a club, the fact that you are a single male (whether married or not) is going to be a great disadvantage. For every 1 single female already in the lifestyle, there are probably 10 swinging couples and about 100 single males that would “love to get involved” and probably 90% of the single males don’t even understand what swinging really is, they just think it would be a blast to have some wild sex, with no commitment. That’s the reality and there’s really not a lot that you can do about it.

As far as meeting single females and ‘escorting them’ or ‘dating’ them to a party, the reality of this is that in most cases single females don’t NEED or WANT an escort to a party or event. (And NO I will not introduce you to any single female friends of mine, I don’t know you.) Or if they do there are plenty of volunteers among the men they date or are friends with already. In the swinging lifestyle, single women can pretty much come and go as they please with no restrictions, which is not the case for a single male. I agree that this is a sort of reverse double standard, but it’s just the way that it is. It’s kind of a numbers game and single males end up on the losing end of the score.

Because swinging is really for and about couples, think of it as a ‘pot luck supper’, you have to bring a dish to be invited to partake of other selections, otherwise there won’t be enough to go around.

Often men tell me that their wives or girlfriends do not share their ideas and interests. Have you asked her or do you just assume she wouldn’t like it? Have you discussed it with her and because you are new, maybe you couldn’t explain it well or you don’t truly understand what swinging is, maybe she truly just doesn’t understand that it could be a positive force in your relationship. It is quite possible that if she understood she might be interested (there are certainly no guarantees and it’s not right for everyone). Is it possible that if she understood she might be interested, or does she have sexual fantasies that she would like to experience for herself? Some of the aspects of the swinging lifestyle that are not generally known are that it is a couples lifestyles encouraging honesty, sincerity and a great deal of communication. This openness serves to strengthen the primary relationship rather than tear it apart.

Good luck on finding a female partner or a cooperative couple in your quest to participate in swinging.

Let me know how it goes!

Hugs – Honey

For more info on how to get into swinging or to better explain it to a potential partner, I am currently writing a totally new and updated version of my popular book, Swinging 101: A Beginner’s Guide to Recreational Sex.